1000 Ordinary Decisions Launch at Hilton College

Hilton College - one of South Africa’s leading independent all-boys’ boarding schools, invited me to spend four hours with 112 Grade 9 boys at the end of their Ethical Leadership Week. That week is a thoughtfully designed programme that asks young men to consider what it really means to be a man and a leader.

The brief was simple: help the boys reflect on the week and encourage them to journal. What an opportunity and what a privilege to be trusted with it.

A whole man.

There could hardly be a more important conversation for the future fabric of our nation.

A teacher had warned me that Friday was known as “the graveyard shift”. But on 28 August, I found a room filled with vibrant, thoughtful and engaged young men who were ready to talk about manhood.

My gut told me not to walk into that room alone. I have a 15-year-old son of my own. I know the immense value of the conversations he and I share, but I also see the importance of the conversations he has with my husband and with other men who generously invest in his life.

So I invited my friend Matt McKay to join me. Matt spoke honestly about the destructive decisions that cost him years, relationships and resources—and about the grace of God that has given him a deeply redemptive story to tell.

His story began when he was close to their age. The boys listened intently. They heard how someone whose background might, in some ways, have resembled their own could become profoundly lost in addiction and brokenness. But they also heard that no life is beyond redemption.

They asked thoughtful questions for more than an hour. Matt met those questions with vulnerability, honesty and care.

My invitation to the boys was to think seriously about manhood: the messages they have inherited about what it means to be a man and, more importantly, the kind of men they are choosing to become.

I translated journaling tools and prompts into simple, graphic exercises that helped them find their own words and begin writing new stories about what it might mean to become a whole man. I suggested that they record just one ordinary decision each day: creating a simple daily rhythm of reflection. One decision may seem insignificant, but noticing those choices day after day could shape how they live the next three years and, ultimately, the men they become.

The cover of the 12 page journal we designed for the program

Why 1,000?

Three years ago, when we lived in the KwaZulu-Natal Midlands, I spent a delightful term as a drama locum at Clifton Prep School in Nottingham Road. Some of the boys I taught then would be sitting in the Hilton auditorium that Friday. It struck me: that was about 1,000 days ago. And there are roughly another 1,000 days between the end of Grade 9 and the day these boys will write their final exams and leave school.

So I called the project A Thousand Ordinary Decisions. Because manhood does not arrive in one dramatic moment. It is formed through the ordinary decisions made every day: how we speak, what we watch, who we follow, how we treat people, what we do with failure and who we are becoming when nobody is applauding.

Together with Shayna Pappas of Wheat Creative, I created a 12-page journal for the boys. It began as 24 pages before some ruthless editing, and it passed the ultimate test when my own Grade 9 son gave it his thumbs-up. ;)

There were so many highlights that day, but one of the most meaningful was watching the boys engage with us and with their journals. I mean, I’m a mom. I had wondered how many journals might become paper aeroplanes… or remain untouched. Instead, pens went to paper.

The boys broke into smaller groups within their houses. As I moved between them, I was blown away by the conversations unfolding and the seriousness with which they approached the exercises.

The cherry on top came as we closed the session.

I asked for one brave boy to stand and tell us what he had learnt and what kind of man he was resolving to become.

The room went very quiet.

Then one young man stood and said that he wanted to become a man who apologises when he has wronged someone.

Suddenly, a flurry of hands went up.

At least ten more boys volunteered their words:

I want to become a man who tells my son I love him, even if my dad doesn’t.

I want to become a man who stands up for what is right.

I want to become a man women feel safe around.

And they continued.

More than once, I found myself choked up as I witnessed the courage of these young men standing before their peers and making such bold statements about the men they are becoming.

Congratulations, Hilton College. I witnessed firsthand the care with which you hold the hearts of these boys, and the intention and strength with which you are helping to shape their lives.

What a task. What a privilege. And I would love to see this conversation reach more young people.

If you would like us to bring A Thousand Ordinary Decisions to the Grade 9s at your school, please get in touch for more information.
You can also help us take the programme to a school that may not have the resources to fund it. Individuals and businesses are invited to sponsor the programme, the printing of the journals or both—and we will work with a partner school to make it happen.
Help us place these conversations, tools and journals into the hands of more young people. Let’s invest in the thousand ordinary decisions shaping the next generation.